The upward spiral from a self-destructive rampage
“The truth is you are winning at the life you have”
Let me tell you a story about how I won the path of self-destruction ; A few years ago I was on a downward spiral, I had totaled seven cars one of them being a rental (sorry mom!). I fell into this dark place of self to feet mixed with a little bit too much partying . I was having fun I was live in the highlife . After I managed being in seven car accidents,all of them my Fault, I had gotten my car repossessed, fired from my job, and pregnant. All of my friends hated me and I’m pretty sure my family only liked me because they had to you . There was nowhere else I could go but up I had hit complete rock bottom. My best friend paid for my plane ticket so I could come on a road trip with him because he said it sounded like I needed to get away. So by the time I was supposed to get on that flight I had managed to pull together $500 . Well my connecting flight was out of Houston I figured I’d stop grab a piece of pizza to eat and be on my way to Seattle . Little did I know that even more could happen my wallet was pickpocketed in the Houston airport with all my cash in it. What was I supposed to do for two weeks on the other side of the country with no money ? I was completely devastated and defeated. I guess rock-bottom does have a basement . So I got on my flight to Seattle to meet my friend and as I got off the airplane something wonderful happened that restored my faith in humanity. Several people who were on my flight who had heard what had happened ,because I was crying hysterically in the moment, they all started handing me money collectively 8 or nine people have given me about $200 between all of them .I was in no position to let my pride be the best of me so I accepeted all the strangers generous offers . as I exited the airplane worrying about the fact that I could now buy a water if I needed one I took a deep breath and decided that this too shall pass. at that moment I took a step back and realizes that the universe had showed me the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. for one bad person there are eight times as many good people out there.
The next two weeks I traveled all across the West Coast . We drove from Seattle to Denver taking the coastal road . I’ve never been on a vacation before I’ve never spent that much time away from home so it was definitely a little rough around the edges ,especially because I was escaping all my trouble from home I’m trying to get a new perspective On life. Long story short , because this blog isnt about the literal trip its about the spiritual trip I had . I had spent Three weeks away from all my vices and bad habits and it allowed me to clear my head .
When I came home in early July about two weeks before my 21st birthday I found out I was pregnant .
Remember that baseman I said rock-bottom had well turns out that basement has a e I had no idea what I was going to do I didn’t even have the money for an abortion and I have no idea how far along I have been fast forward two days I took a trip to Planned Parenthood and they let me know that I was nine weeks pregnant how could I have not known for that entire time ! Just thinking about all the substances I had put in my body in the past nine weeks terrified the living shit out of me. That being one of the main reasons I decided to terminate the Pregnancy. When I went in for my appointment for the abortion they had told me I was actually further along than I had thought I was actually at 13 weeks. But by that time I was already heavily sedated and the next minute I woke up and I wasn’t pregnant anymore .
One day after I successfully completed my downward spiral I realized it was going to take some major work on my behalf to repair the damage I created over the past three years it’s like something woke up inside me and said I don’t wanna live like this anymore I want to be happy .
I was finally tired of winning at a shitty life.